Some of us can’t
consider ourselves to be broken vessels. We feel the pains of life: the loss of
loved ones, an unforgivable illness, or even a word from someone whose intent
is to hurt you. Too many people know what it’s like to have pain in life; I am
no different. My brother Andrew had died from cancer in 2016, and his memory
still makes me feel like I could have traded my life for his, but God had other
plans. I am still here; he is in the ground waiting for his Maker. I live on
with the hole in my heart that used to be him while living with the regret that
I could have been there for him more in my life than I have, but I can’t think
about that. I remember the good times: the practical jokes and the school
nights watching Jay Leno in a tiny black and white television. I even
remembered hanging out with him when he had his house in Holland, Michigan. He
was a neat-freak like his grandma—I tried to respect that. He had a zest for
life, and lived it to the full.
I moved back to Michigan
from Kentucky in 2014, and not too long after that he was diagnosed with
cancer. The doctors tried their best to save him and use every experimental treatment
available—including one that killed him. I had the honor of being his stem cell
donor, and I gave 12 million stem cells when he only needed 7 million. God
answered my prayers in that situation, but it was all in vain because the stem
cells were not working well with his body and he died from complications. I
have to live with the knowledge that all my effort to save him was in vain: his
death was inevitable. No one can change how I feel about that because it’s something
I have to live with. My family had to deal with the loss of him and my aunt Margie
in the past few years, but we find ourselves finding joy in the pain. How can
that be, right? How could such devastation and loss find joy? I’ll tell you the
truth from my experience: God is my joy.
That’s right: the joy
of the LORD is my strength. God’s love for me and my family in the midst of our
darkest hour is the revelation that we needed, and still need. God shows us the
little things that only He could give. The joy of His plan for salvation, the
joy of His creation, the joy that Jesus Christ died for me and for my family
and for all mankind, the joy that we can still love again after a loss. God’s
love is real, and we need it in this world more than ever. There are too many
things that bring us pain, but there are just as many things that bring us joy.
I tend to look at the joy in life: to turn my pain into joy. It’s not easy, and
it’s difficult to find the joy in life when life seems to not feel good at this
time, but it’s there—if you search with all your heart. God lives forever and
time with Him is not in vain—even if your life feels like it’s vain. I can
honestly tell you this from experience, and I hope you all, O my readers, will
listen to this young sage.
Even though my brother
is in the ground waiting for his Maker, his memory will live on in our hearts and
minds. He will always have a place in our hearts—especially in the heart of his
daughter who is now 6 years old. I still laugh at his jokes and the fun he had—especially
when Kentucky basketball was playing. Those will live on forever—even if he is
in the ground. The truth is, O reader, life is too short to not see the joy in
it: joy is everywhere and can be easily seen if you seek it. Joy can be found
in you and in your relationship with God. Full joy can only be found in that
relationship with God: Jesus Christ said that our joy will be full and he also
said that he came to give us abundant life. I look for that every day of my
life—even in the days of sorrow and pain. Even when my soul feels like it’s drowning
in salt water as I’m sinking down during a storm walking to Jesus—thankfully He
will grab my hand and bring me to the boat safely. I know; I know: I have
little faith. I’m working on it. But, this I know: I can have joy in pain, and that’ll
never be a regret.
