Ravished my Heart

        It has been a while since I wrote an update about the oath that I made with God so many years ago. I find myself in the midst of a deep and profound contentment in life. I still search for love from God and others, and I hope I can give it back to God and others. There are lessons to be learned from my struggles with this oath that is still in affect even today. There was a lesson that should be told about this experience, and that is to be content; for the right person that’ll ravish my heart will come. But, if the woman doesn’t ravish my heart, then it is better to be friends with her. Love is strong, and it’s as strong as death as Solomon said in the Song of Songs. If you love someone that doesn’t love you back with a deep and profound feeling that you are their beloved, than friendship is the best answer.

        I came across this lesson from a bus trip home from work one day. I sat next to an African woman, who was a coworker, who was about my age who was beautiful to behold, and I talked with her about things. I observed her conduct on the bus ride. She’s a poor person from a foreign country, but she was content with the little things in life, and I found this out when she was eating and enjoying a cookie that she got from the vending machine at work. This contentment was something that I learned from her. I haven’t talked with her since, but God gave me the lesson from this experience with her. There is great gain with being content with what you have: to be filled with the little things in life that God gives under the sun. I can cling to an image of a beloved wife as Christ clings to the church, but I’ll be missing the little joys that Christ shares with me.

        Joys like a sunset or a poem about a sunset, and the laughter of children and their playfulness. The telling of a good joke that makes you laugh until it hurts. There is joy in patiently waiting for my beloved, and it is true what Solomon said in proverbs 13:12: “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” It’s a paradoxical dilemma to feel joy and sickness in my heart, but that’s part of the process. I know that God wants the best for me and for her, so that we can both ravish each other’s hearts with the deep love of Christ in us. Until then, I will remain content with the love of my Savior and others around me.

        I have been single for a long time, and it’s a test of my faith that God will provide like He did for Abraham when He tested him. God told him to sacrifice his son at Moriah where Jesus was to die for our sins, and Abraham went out to the place where he was supposed to do the deed in faith. When he laid his son at the altar and was about to kill his son, God spoke to him to stop and not harm him because He knew that Abraham loved and feared God more than the natural love for the son. I have to have the power to love God over my future bride, and it’s very difficult because it’s not natural to love God more than what you love naturally, but that’s what Jesus said to do in Luke 14:26: “If anyone comes to me and does not loveless father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters--yes, even their own life--such a person cannot be my disciple.”. The Greek in this passage means to loveless, so I changed it to its original meaning.

        To love God over everyone else is not natural because God is in Heaven and you can’t see Him on a daily basis, but you can see your family and friends daily. God doesn’t want us to not love our family and friends because the commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself: He wants us to love Him the most. It requires the power to love that is not natural and easy: it requires sacrificing self for God. This is something I struggle with daily. How do I love God the most even over self and my love for a wife? My power to love is not very strong at this time, but I know that Christ loves me and shows me daily that He does through His mercy and grace and remembrance of His sacrifice. It is easy to love the self, but it’s necessary to love God and others as yourself. This is something I am still working on as I wait for what God has promised. I need to have the power to love God like Abraham did, and show my faith through my works. God willing: He’ll intervene and make everything right.